You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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