can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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