I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
