I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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