4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
