I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
