Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
