Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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