Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we made out on top of his cat.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
