There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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