Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
