Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
