i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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