I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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