I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
