i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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