I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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