a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So much rum. So many feels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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