why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
