omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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