maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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