I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
