i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
