I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
