just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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