We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
