Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
