Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
