So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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