Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
