you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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