thus making me awesome and them whores
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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