Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
false alarm, still single
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
