i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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