I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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