plz talk dirty to me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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