I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
