My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
