I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize