I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
