I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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