went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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