So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
