I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
