Your face is a jimmy john
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
