I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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