Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
