Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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