fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
