Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
