the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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