we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
