Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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