I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
