I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
