happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
love makes seman taste better
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
