I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
