she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
