He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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