Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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