dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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