I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
