We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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