if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
