You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
