she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can you bring me the toilet please
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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