I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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