the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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