did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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